Yeah, I'm just going to lay it out there. It's been a long time since I've had a creative outlet and that has been to my detriment considering that these last two and half years have been difficult and I've needed an outlet. I'm finally to a point in my life where I'm understanding who I am as a woman, a wife, a child of God, a friend and so much more.
Much of this has come from the fact that I've lost some weight and realized how much gaining that weight affected me. It's not like I was "fat" fat and truth be told, I grew up as a little chubster and then grew out of it once I went through my growth spurt so I've always struggled a bit with my weight. In general, I feel like people can relate to being less confident and really less "yourself" when you're not happy with your body so...
This is my attempt to be creative and regain hobbies other than music, reading, writing, and having deep, theological conversations. I still love doing those things, I'm just wanting to try something different.
Let me start by giving a little background.
My mother and father are the most amazing people EVER. They brought me up in the faith, taught me what it means to love and worked hard to provide for us as their children. I grew up with an older brother who was (and still is) the coolest person I know. In the summer's when my parents were working, my sister and I would hang out with Mario. We'd listen to music, blow up GI Joe's, watch skateboard videos and lots of other random stuff.
Much of my life was "easy" and I grew up as a tomboyish girl. My mom didn't raise my sister and I to be "girly" girls. In fact, we had these bowl haircuts for the longest time. We pretty much looked just like my brother.
Now, I don't blame my mom or my dad for why we ended up less girly than most girls. In fact, I'm quite thankful we didn't end up that way. We were able to find our femininity on our own, in our own time. But more on that later.
Anyhow, my sister and I thrift shopped all throughout high school. We mostly bought little boys t-shirts, belts, tennis shoes, etc. It was a blast cause we were buying tons of cute stuff for super cheap...and so began my addiction to shopping. However, because I grew up in a household where my mother would take us shopping and almost never have us buy something at full price, I learned at a young age to be frugal. It's actually frustrating at times because I can't ever bring myself to buy any item at full price unless I absolutely NEED it, which is usually never.
So Austin married me knowing how cheap I was and it made him happy to know that I didn't spend ridiculous amounts of money on clothes. Transitioning into being a part of a spouses' budget and understanding that this money is shared (cause we do have joint accounts), I pretty much backed off my shopping addiction when we got married. I especially backed off because I'd gained weight and honestly didn't feel that great dressing cute anymore.
It was a low point for me, especially since my mother had told me that getting married wasn't an excuse to not take care of myself. I specifically recall talking to my mother and mother in law before I got married. I said that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to dress the same anymore because getting married was going to change everything. They both assured me that I didn't need to change a thing.
But the with the weight gain and my graduate school schedule, I just didn't care that much about how I looked. I never worked out. I ate all sorts of bad food (cause Austin and I LOVE food, especially the bad stuff). I definitely wasn't taking care of myself spiritually. Every week I was crying, pissed off, regretting making the decision to even COME to Dallas. Don't get me wrong...things weren't horrible all of the time. I managed to meet some amazing friends, professors, and all the while continue to have God show up everywhere, but I just wasn't feeling myself for a very long time.
Last year I decided that I had to do something about my weight. For those who have dealt with weight issues before, you know that it's that "lightbulb" moment where everything just shows itself for what it is, that changes everything. I can't even tell you exactly what happened, but something just changed for me. I began to count calories and be more conscious of what I put in my mouth. I didn't do any exercise at this point, I just changed the way I was eating. Once the losing weight actually became a reality, it only inspired me further, so I started exercising and kept hitting my goal's.
Little by little, I began to take pride in myself again. I seriously had no idea how much taking of myself physically would inspire me to take care of myself in other areas of life. It brought a whole new light to the whole, "Your body is a temple" scripture in Corinthians.
Now that I'm fitting into regular sized clothes and regaining so much of the self confidence that I'd once lost, I'm inspired to strengthen my daily disciplines with God, be a better wife, be a better friend, be a better student, be a better worship leader...there's just so much that directly correlated to my physical state.
While this may sound crazy, it's where I'm at and I explain all this to say that from now on I'll be using this blog to display the outfits that I wear that are usually quite cheap, as most of what I buy is thrifted or bought on sale. My intent is not to be vain about myself or my frugal ways. My intent is to show people how taking care of yourself is inspiring and saving money is too. All the while, it will hopefully be a creative outlet for me to really express myself and keep a diary in a sense of my life, which is something I wish I'd done since I started life here in Dallas.
So tomorrow I'll hopefully begin this new journey. I can't wait.
Ani
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